Thursday, March 3, 2016

Tailored for the Soul

The other day, someone asked me how I am coping with having been divorced. I told him that actually it is a simple situation. The Zohar teaches that our bodies are not random. They are tailor made for our souls, our real selves.

This means that a unique set of parents is needed to provide the genetic material necessary to give each soul that precious opportunity to enter the earth realm.

Based on this, it makes sense to me that I was married to my former wife to help the souls of our children embody.  

God Willing, now it's time to seek my soul mate.


  1. Comments to the FaceBook posting:

    Batya: Amen ve'amen!
    Choni: Thank you.

    David: כן יהי רצון בקרוב
    Choni: Amen, Thank you.

    Yisroel: I'm sure you got and gave more from your marriage than wishes and much blessing ......try again.
    Choni: Thank you.
    Yisroel: Choni.....hugs.
    Choni: I need them. Thank you Yisroel.

  2. FaceBook comments, continued ...
    Melinda: What you said is in alignment with the teachings in the Zohar. But still it is sad when a marriage does not work out, especially if the children are young.
    Choni: This is true Melinda Mindy Ribner. I don't have the full understanding of why such events occur. I am just trying to derive enough comfort to move forward from the little bit I was shown; as our faith doesn't really have room for a man to be single. I remember you as a really wise person. If you have advice for me, I am open to hear.
    Melinda: I do not know your situation so I can't really advise you. Being blessed to bring children into this world is an awesome responsibility. In my book New Age Judaism, I did research on gilgulim from the chapter on mishpatim. It talks about soul mates and having children with spouses who are not your soul mates. Few people actually marry their true zivug. What I have seen in my counseling practice with couples that people often marry the people who have the capacity to hurt them the most. There in lies the greatest growth opportunity. I do not know your situation so I can't really advise you. You apparently made the decision to leave the marriage but you can never leave your responsibility to your children.
    Choni: I read those passages in the Zohar. That's what I presume happened. At least on the conscious level I am not aware of having made a decision to leave the marriage. I view this as something she and her parents decided, whether justified for their circumstances or not. Regardless, I do my best to take care of my children. This idea that people marry those who have the capacity to hurt them most is new to me. It scares me a bit too.
    Melinda: I suggest you read" getting the love you want" by Harville Hendrix. I see this all the time in my therapy practice with couples. I understand now that it really was not your choice to leave the marriage. That is very sad, Relationships are very complex and confusing. I am glad that you remain active with the children. If you were unable to save this marriage and you tried your very best, you have to assume that it was not divine providence for the two of you to remain together. I wish you a Mazel Tov.

    Did you go to therapy? One last thing. Be mindful that you do not select a woman with the same traits as your former wife. You have do your inner change work so you are attracted and attract a different kind of woman. I can help you if you want.

    Choni: I have noticed a tendency to attract the same kind of woman. This realization came out in a discussion with a friend who pushed me on the issue. The character profile is usually a woman who can't get her life together, whether for psychological or physiological reasons. She then leans heavily on a man as if he's her crutch to get her through.

    Melinda: That is an important awareness. Often such a woman will resent you in time. It is important to take responsibility for your choices in women. May you be blessed with a woman who loves you for who you are and not what you do for her. A beautiful women inside and out asks that you also love and respect yourself as well have the self esteem to feel worthy of such a woman. Learn quickly how to discern between women who are like Chava from those who are more like Lilith. Please read my the secret Legacy of Biblical women book on the chapter Eve. Men have felt it changed their lives. Look on Amazon. Take a peek at my website www.

    Sarah: I used to be that kind of woman. It wasn't until I was ready to work on myself and embrace me and learn more about me that I embraced the man who would be my husband..
    Choni: At least Sarah you recognized it and changed yourself. That is huge!

  3. FB Comments contiuned ...

    Ruthann: Choni, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix is phenomenal. Melinda is a very wise woman indeed. Working on healing your childhood wounds makes you a partner that doesn't naturally gravitate towards another unhealthy needy person. I read this book as my marriage was ending and know that a new relationship will actually incorporate this priceless work as a couple.
    Choni: I believe you Ruthann. BH bli neder I look for it next time I am in bookstore. A few others have mentioned it to me as well. I guess God is sending me a signal. Thank you for sharing your experience. It really brings it home for me.
    Ruthann: Glad to know. It's making me want to pick it back up. I think I'll borrow it from the library tomorrow!
    Choni: I just bought it Ruthann and Melinda. I read the first chapter before leaving the bookstore. It's very interesting. Thank you.
    Ruthann: Wonderful.