In Jewish tradition when a man and a woman are under the wedding canopy, one of the blessings recited ends with the words, “...all was created for His glory.” I wondered for a long time, “What does this mean, since when does the Holy One need glory?” Recently, while studying Rabbi Luzzatto’s “Knowing Heart”, I came to understand what this means. If you understand this story you will too.
You know, when a man loves a woman, he craves contact with every level of her interior. Lurking in her psyche, unexplained parts of himself await. Only by entering her heartscape can he make contact with these lost treasures of own self. Similarly, parts of her self lurk within him. Together, they identity blend. Each becomes a fuller self, more alive. “Self seams” fade into a oneness.
What happens, when people are emotionally broken and aren’t able to hold themselves together, how do they love? I have heard of a woman, named Gloria. She was so abused in her childhood that she would block any man who tried to enter the energy field of her heart. Every attempt at entry brought her back to searing memories of pain. She barbed and blocked the men who tried. She inflicted them with but a tiny taste of her pain, as they backed off in terror.
Jack was different. He wasn’t any braver than the others. He simply saw deeper into her. He saw her shining potential to love, if only her were made whole again. If only her heart could be mended and the pieces resewn. Jack knew there were pieces of his own heart in her’s and to abandon her was to abandon himself. He set out to make her pleasure his life’s mission. Everything he did was just for her sake.
Jack built Gloria a mansion, lined with servants. The finest chefs prepared her meals. Though Jack trusted that time would eventually heal Gloria’s wounds, he didn’t want her to suffer even an iota longer than necessary. So he enlisted a team of psychologists under Dr. Aaronson’s supervision to mend Gloria’s psyche and put her broken pieces back together. At first she resisted the therapy. Consciously, she was under the delusion that she was “just fine”. Subconsciously, she knew the truth, “this is going to be a lot of challenging toil”. She mused, “Jack might work hard to bring me all these gifts, but, they don’t compare to how hard I’ll have to work to emotionally heal. As Jack efforts, he struggles with an outside world. Yet, I struggle with an inner one! Now which struggle bears a higher pain potential?”
At first Gloria began to work with the Aaronson therapists slowly. As scary as her childhood demons looked, when seen in a therapeutic lens, they proved to be less than paper thin. Slight successes gently encouraged Gloria that it’s possible to survive a peeling away of even more long cherished misconceptions, revealing fresh aspects of her true self. Every therapeutic poke along her inner territory initially produced pain. Yet, she learned that if handled right, pain can be the first step towards healing. So she healed, healed and ...
Every level of healing rewarded her twofold. Firstly, she felt that much better. Secondly, she now possessed fresh territory cleared out from barbs and blockages. Here, was a new “home” to invite her man in to rejoice. Here, she could pay him back for his kindness by delivering up to him a newly freed piece of his own lost self. Here, was an welcoming space for Jack to deposit a corresponding piece of her own lost self, he bore. Slowly, she became his “conquered territory”. Bit by bit, she was being opened up by the forces of his love and kindness. Until, he was totally allowed to pleasure her in an ultimate identity blend - each the paradise of the other.