Monday, December 29, 2014

All Union is Really Reunion

Last week’s Torah portion is visibly about union via reunion, as there’s a huge and celebrated reunion between Joseph and his family. And though barely mentioned as such, it must have been a reunion with much sacrifice, as a whole huge family, living in their dream spot, uprooted themselves to make an “apology in motion” and a demonstration of love to a family member who was treated unfairly and cast years earlier into an unjust situation.

Technically, Joseph’s wishes could have been fulfilled by having Jacob move to Egypt with a retinue of key family members. The rest would keep the Jewish settlement in the Holy Land going, a project which I am sure Joseph would have appreciated; visiting with their Egypt bound relatives from time to time and transporting goods back and forth.

While such visits might not have been easy, from the way the Torah describes Joseph’s brothers descending to Egypt to buy grain, it certainly does not seem like it was overly burdensome (inconvenient maybe, but overly burdensome not). As a common trade route, there must have been well worked out ways of making the journey back and forth between the Holy Land and Egypt.

Yet, the whole family decided to all move down to Egypt. Why? It must have been to make the reunion especially warm and fuzzy for Joseph; to really heal his psychological wounds.

This leaves me wondering why the brothers’ repentance was not deemed complete to the point that well over a millenium later, maybe closer to two, there was the story of the ten martyrs. During this incident ten holy sages were cruelly executed by the Romans, allegedly to restore balance to cosmic justice misaligned by Joseph’s sale into slavery.

When is enough, enough?!

I say the same thing about the exile we currently find ourselves in. And it’s not only the Jewish people who are in exile, all humanity is in exile; indeed, the whole planet is in exile. The displacement of one, sets off the displacement of all. Of course, there’s always room for human beings to improve in the areas of Torah, prayer and acts of kindness, but when is enough, enough?!

“Better to be the tail of the lion than the head of the fox.” Let’s have a messianic era already, even if it means that we don’t deserve the “cadillac” version of it.  Far better is the least ideal version of a messianic era than the most ideal life exile can offer.

Like the reunion of Joseph’s family, the messianic era too will be a union which is really a reunion. The way the Jewish people are one spiritual community above, actually one meta-soul above, so will the Jewish people be united below.

In a sense this like soul mates. The difference is that soul mates are still one soul on lower spiritual levels, closer to the earthly realm. Whereas, the souls of spiritual communities differentiate higher up. So in a sense, the messianic era union of people below is an even more poignant and more a intense union/reunion than soul mates, for it’s drawing spiritual energy from a unified state even higher up. This could be why it’s harder to attain. To date, many people have married their soul mates, while nobody has really experienced the messianic era.  

However, this notion can give emotional strength to non-soul mate couples too by making them aware that they too can attain a point where their souls are one; only it’s higher up and likely to be a point shared by others as well (not exclusive to themselves). However, with effort it can still be drawn from to enhance their marriages.

It seems like since the universe (spiritual and physical) exists in the Creator’s Seamless Oneness, there really is no such a thing as a union which isn’t also a reunion. It’s just a question of how far one has to stretch upward to reach the original point of union prior to differentiation.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Union via ReUnion

Intimacy of soul mates are baby steps towards prophecy. The essence of prophecy is union with the "Shechina", i.e. the Divine Presence. In this state the prophet's consciousness temporarily moves closer to his/her Divine Source. In a more ideal state of this experience, total union is achieved where the prophet's consciousness becomes seamlessly continuous with his/her Source. Consciousness merges; totally sheltered, nurtured, pleasured within the "Shechina's" cosmic womb ~ a spiritual fetal experience.

It's the highest possible experience of "other" which is really "same". It's an "other" which became "other" through the illusion of fragmentation, but was really "same" all along. It's the highest kind of union ~ as it's ultimate reunion. Yes, the highest of union is really reunion.

Uniting with a soul mate is a lower level of the same idea. Though it's not perched at the heights of prophecy, it's still union via reunion. It's about awakening to one's greater expanded self through love, caring, sharing and intimacy. It would make sense to me that just like there's a climactic moment in prophecy where the union is most intensely tasted, so too with soul mates in love. It's in the moment when the illusion of being separate selves most intensely dissolves and a feeling of seamless continuity takes over.

I still wonder whether I have tasted a spark of this the other night. Suddenly in the midst of conversing with my special  someone, my heart felt simultaneously lost and found in her's ~ we were like a single continuous heart. A tent of shared consciousness surrounded us. Internal barriers dissipated. I forgot the verbal content the moment our conversation concluded. However, the feeling of our hearts being aligned in singular continuity lingered on and carried me.

I wonder whether this is a sign.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Awaiting Love

  • I have many family members whom I love, friends who I am close to, but, the love of my life I still await.

  • I've been disappointed in love and fear that I might feel uncertain even if I were to stare her in the face.

  • My hope is that she'll recognize me first and inspire me to see beyond the fog of grief into the sunlight of her soul.

  • There is a cheerful side to this too. There is a kind woman who's trying to do exactly this for me. She tells me that on her side there is no fog. She assures me that the identical light she sees in her heart, radiates in mine too.

  • I truly give her a lot of credit and maybe, someday my heart in marriage.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

God’s Language

This evening was interesting for me. It's the 19-20th of Kislev. Normally it's a time I celebrate with others the inner mystical teachings of Torah being freed to radiate throughout the world. However, there was no celebration in my locale which spoke to me. I've been bored and overdosed on the repetitive messages, stories and food of these local celebrations in the past, with their sadly too predictive no to low mystical dose.

So I decided that regardless, I'll do something positive in the spirit of this evening. I prayed that God should teach more of humanity His language. I mouthed the prayer before I understood what I requested.

Then I backtracked and processed what I just prayed for. I work as an accountant. I flashed back to my very first accounting class. The Professor, Lucille Genduso, asked her class, "What's the definition of accounting". Various students opined creative answers. When she heard enough, she flatly stated, "Accounting is the language of business."

Then I thought to myself, if accounting is the language of business then the Torah's mystical teachings must be the language of God. By studying it, we are probably forming the basis of a language not only to communicate with each other about God, but more importantly for God to communicate with us.

However, there's a complication. The present popular styles of mystical thought being taught are probably more akin to that language's alphabet rather than it's functional vocabulary. That's why contemporary study does not automatically translate into understanding God's messages. A baby who can recognize alphabet sounds alone, "aaah"-"baaah", does not yet understand language. Yet, this rudimentary stage eventually does leads to language development. Similarly, I believe that teaching what's presently and popularly available in the field of Jewish mysticism will eventually lead to becoming receptive to Divine communication; maybe not now, but certainly sometime in the future.

When I dream of a universal messianic age, I dream of the return of prophecy. I dream of a time when each human being will be in full communication with God.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Net Pleasures, Growing Relationships

Is a paradise beyond one’s level to absorb pleasure a paradise at all? Maybe, it’s actually the opposite of a paradise? The reason I bring this up is because the texts I study often discuss levels of paradise. They say that there are those who enter lower levels and those truly worthy who enter higher levels. Yet, do those on a higher level actually receive more spiritual pleasures or have they simply built up their their capacity for receiving spiritual lights to such a pitched level that their tolerance for divine lights has also increased? Therefore, maybe it takes more spiritual lights to provide them with the same pleasures as lower leveled souls experience with less lights.

We see similar phenomena in this realm. I was thinking of using drug addiction and tolerance buildup as my example, but let’s stick with a healthy example. A middle class person enjoys an occasional fine dine as a treat. Maybe, two to four times a year, on special occasions, s/he’ll visit a restaurant offering fine cuisine and really take in the flavors, textures, fragrances, refined atmosphere and company. To a fairly wealthy person, visiting such a restaurant might be something s/he does every week or two. Clearly, the very wealthy person does not derive the same pleasure per visit as the middle class person does. To derive the same pleasure, the wealthy person needs to visit a much more exclusive restaurant; one even more refined and cultured.

Whether or not I am correct, I don’t fully know. However, following the principal “the heavenly kingdom is like the earthly kingdom” or “as below, so above”, it makes perfect sense to me that the same pattern applies to pleasures in paradise. As the levels of pleasure we receive on earth are largely shaped by our capacity to receive pleasure, so too, with the pleasures offered in paradise. The more developed one’s capacity to receive, the more spiritual lights are needed to achieve the same level of pleasure. This reminds me of the saying, “Little children little toys, big children big toys.”

If this is the case, why grow, when the same net pleasure can be provided for less just by being less? Perhaps, an answer can be found in the phenomenon called, “Been there, done it!”. After enough repetition the old level gets boring and loses its capacity to provide pleasure. Constant pleasure is not pleasure at all. The lights it provides cease to excite. How many times can a studious first grader find excitement in the ability to put together the letters “c”, “a”, “n” and spell “can”?

When the old level is worn out, listless and boring, new capacities need to be built to receive new lights. This is what gets the growing going. This all explains why the “pleasured” wants to grow. However, it does not explain why the “Pleasurer” creates the need for growth to begin with, if there’s not necessarily a net increase in pleasure at all.

Think about it. In such a scenario, the only thing really increased is the dispensing of the substance which creates pleasure (i.e. spiritual lights), but not the pleasure itself. Perhaps, that’s exactly the point. Ultimately, what the Creator seeks is a relationship. The pleasure is only one factor in the relationship. What the relationship really centers around is the “substance” which creates the pleasure rather than the pleasure itself. The first set of ten commandments offered a deeper relationship than the second set. The ten commandments are a “substance” or spiritual light around which a relationship with the Creator is formed . The higher Garden of Eden represents a deeper relationship with the Creator than a lower one. Again, the revelations in each Garden form the substance which the relationship is formed around. They are mediums of relationship, not unlike an activity shared by a loving couple.

Interim levels of pleasures just create the incentives to grow and build up soul/body units to the levels where their relationship with their Creator deepens. The more developed the person, the more of the self is invested and involved in the relationship. So while pleasures are important, they’re largely in service of the actual goal, the relationship.

This also changed the way I understand one of the central teachings in Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto’s “The Way of God”.  He assures us that the Creator only wants to impart goodness and benefit humanity. I usually understood this to mean that the Creator wants to endlessly pleasure us. However, now I understand the Creator’s “doing good” in a different way, i.e. building an ever growing and deepening relationship with us.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

An excerpt from my Thanksgiving prayer this morning:

"Thank You for this opportunity to commune with You. Thank You that I live in a country where everyone takes a day off to thank You. Today, I thank You along with many, many people. It’s not that I necessarily believe that the country I live in is the final fulfillment of the messianic hopes spread by the Biblical prophets nor is it even an ideal place for living an diaspora based Torah lifestyle. It’s simply that compared to the long legacy of persecution my People have suffered, this place is absolutely amazing!
"I am certainly not original in thanking You for this. Reverend Gershon Mendez Seixas preceded me by more than two hundred years when he made this exact point to Congregation Shearith Israel in a Thanksgiving address right after the United States became a country. I guess the miracle is that in a temporal world filled with such constant change, I can still thank You exactly the same way he had more than two hundred years later.
"You are Eternal and Infinite. So You don’t change. However, because Your creations are finite, they are all constantly moving and changing. Yet in this case, the reasons underlying Thanksgiving have held up for so long. Maybe, it’s because a day designed for so many to thank You actually does get blessed with a touch of Your permanence.
"So with a full heart, I thank You for the religious freedom I am allowed in this country. Please keep things this way until we are privileged to behold the 'redeemer's arrival in Zion'. Thank You..."

Monday, November 17, 2014

A Drop of Rashab

Last week was the birthday of the Rebbe Shalom Dov Ber of Lubavitch, the 5th Rebbe of the dynasty. He's known by the commonly used acronym of his name "Rashab". 
In a discourse on last week's Torah portion he quoted a Midrash which stated that three people had their prayers responded to immediately: Eliezer (Abraham's servant) when seeking a wife for Isaac, Moses when asking the earth to swallow Korah and Solomon when praying for a fire to descend on the altar of his newly built Temple. Of the three, Eliezer's prayer was responded to fastest - even before he finished praying.
Rebbe Shalom Dov Ber asks why did he have this merit, when spiritually speaking he ranked lower than the other two in saintliness? The digest version of the answer is that swift response did not occur on Eliezer's own merit, but only because he was on a mission to help Isaac (find a wife). So in reality God was responding swiftly to Isaac, who certainly was in a comparable spiritual ranking with Moses and Solomon.
I learned a lesson from this teaching. Dedicating one's actions to help those whom God favors might open up special and unexpected doors.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

On the Orthodox Spectrum

I am sure that in matchmaking in Jewish circles the question of where one fits on the Jewish Orthodox spectrum constantly arises (watch out for that frumometer! - for those who get my drift).
Recently, somebody asked me where I fit on the spectrum of Orthodox Judaism. Truthfully, I find the question uncomfortable because I was brought up with an Orthodox Judaism which wasn't so firmly pegged, although it tended a bit more to the black hatted side. Regardless of my discomfort, the following was my response to the person who asked:

"As you probably know, most people don't have identities that fit into neat cubicles. On the one hand, I believe in the Torah and on the other hand I believe in being very interactive with secular society (I don't think they contradict). I also feel very religiously comfortable in a variety of crowds: Modern Orthodox, Yeshivish, Chassidish, Sephardi, Chabad, etc. I am not stuck in one place on this particular issue. Maybe, it's because my real driving force religiously is Jewish mysticism and Jewish philosophy. For me the various "groups" are all Torah and all good."

Sunday, November 9, 2014

The Authorship of the Zohar

My response to a FaceBook friend who asked for my understanding on the authorship of the Zohar:

Dear ... ,
You pose an excellent question.
I hope I am not disappointing you, but, truthfully, on the logical surface level I have found the academics' arguments more compelling. They point to things like language style and that the Zohar did not seem to be written by someone who used Aramaic as his first language. Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, in "Meditation and Kabbalah" tries to make an argument in favor that it was literally written by Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai. However, he admits that the relevant pages from Rabbi Isaac of Acco's investigation into the matter are missing from the manuscript. He accepts Rabbi Isaac's conclusion without the benefit of being able to examine how he came to that conclusion.
Therefore, I think that it's likely that either:
(A) The Zohar, being part of the oral tradition, came to the Spanish Kabbalists in oral form. They merely gave it, it's written format, with possibly a bit of embellishment. This would be no different than Ravina, Rav Ashi and later Rabbanim Savurai giving the Talmud it's basic current written format.
Or ...
(B) They channeled the saintly figures of the Zohar. This is not entirely unheard of. For example, Rabbi Chaim Vital speaks of learning Torah from past sages by placing oneself on their graves while performing certain meditations. In fact, Rabbi Yosef Chaim of Bagdad did this while on the grave of Benayahu ben Yehoyada and that's why so many of his Torah treatises bear some version of this saintly individual's name.

I hope this helps you out.
Best Wishes,

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Sung on my Tongue

As I gave away my bottle of sake to a neighbor, I recalled why I purchased it in the first place. My memory returned to the summer of 1999, Miami Beach. A Japanese restaurant had just turned kosher. A friend who worked behind the counter tipped me off. I was eager to try authentic Japanese cuisine; if for nothing else, at least to enjoy what for me was an exotic the cultural experience.

Somewhere blended in between the seaweed, miso soup and sushi flowed miniature ceramic cups of warmed sake. The way the sake sung on my tongue, helped me savor every drop as a fresh culinary experience of rare artistry. I left the restaurant unsure whether I should drive. So I waited a while.

Longing for this experience to enhance my Sabbath meal, I recently visited a local liquor shop and purchased what seemed to me like a representative bottle of standard sake. I tasted a bit between the fish and salad. It was downright vile! There was barely a distant echo of what I remember enjoying all those years back. I swiftly downed some sweet liquor to mask the taste.

As I handed my neighbor the bottle, it occurred to me how I got set up for such disappointment. Apparently, sake tastes best within a certain context. Complementary cultural foods and warmed to the correct temperature, bring out a song in the sake, which it in other settings it simply won’t sing; perhaps, can’t sing.

There’s a lesson here on the value of supportive contexts. Sometimes a child and even an adult needs a certain setting to discover talents and success. A person whose latent talents remain submerged in oblivion for years can suddenly come to life if only present in the right environment. Many times, we don’t know what our true abilities are or what environments can release them. Besides prayer, this may require feeling one’s way around, sensing which people and places resonate best.

For myself, I came away with an additional lesson, an understanding of why I find a sweet taste in certain Mitzvahs (loosely translated as “Divine Commands”). Some of these acts in other contexts may be seriously boring or at least not particularly exciting. However, since they come to me within the context of my relationship with my Creator, they come across with a whole different flavor. They resonate differently. For example, I am intensely excited to wave my palm frond and citron in the sukkah booth very soon. However, I know that there’s nothing inherently exciting about waving around plant and produce. It’s just brought alive by the context; namely, the Mitzvah.

Maybe, the surroundings of a sukkah booth itself represents a supportive surrounding context designed to bring out something special, latent within ourselves. It’s good to conclude with some food for further thought.  

Happy Sukkot!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Every Realm

Every realm has a framework.
Whether earthly or celestial,
It is made of time, space and life.

Life is it's soul, space it's body.
Time's the duration of their union.

              ~ O ~

Loose & Free

Everything physical comes densely packaged.
In our realm, even energy follows this rule.

It needs to be "generated" to be formed,
Which means, opened up and released. 
Upon release, it's ready to be "conducted". 

Spiritual energy is already loose and free. 
It needs no "generating", only "conducting".
Just tune in and be a conduit for the flow.

                       ~ O ~

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Holy Cravings

We are now in the Jewish month of Elul, a month designated for spiritual self improvement and growth in preparation for Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. I just encountered a unique observation about myself, which embodies for me most of my personal Elul experience for this season.

In the midst of studying Torah with a study partner, we conversed on the topic of spiritual struggles and it simply dawned on me that a person needs to identify and identify with his/her personal holy cravings. Just as a person has unhealthy cravings, so too s/he has holy ones as well. There’s no negative without at least an equal positive and cravings are no exception to this pervasive pattern.

I am sure that everyone has a unique set of holy cravings. For example, high on my long list includes immersion in the study of the Matok M’Dvash version of the Zohar and the Rabbi Shalom Ber of Lubavitch discourse series for the Jewish year 5659. Also included, is teaching Torah, initiating fresh Torah insights, protracted meditation, heartfelt prayer, writing deeply and helping people in need.    

What I discovered about myself is that I unconsciously practiced a technique to undermine my own draw to unhealthy cravings by simply identifying more intensely with my holy cravings. Even if it’s ideal to avoid all cravings, it’s sometimes difficult to pull oneself entirely away from their allure. However, one might still be free to choose which set of cravings to identify with.

This can be compared to a hungry person sitting in a restaurant. It’s true that s/he will most likely eat and is fully expected to. Still, s/he does not necessarily need to choose an unhealthy dish, when there’s a vast selection of healthy ones.

I am extremely thankful to the Creator for bringing to conscious awareness what I was unconsciously doing. Firstly, it positively impacts my self image. When I was undergoing this process subconsciously, essentially I thought of myself as a “sinner” who just got a “lucky break” and was simply distracted from pursuing temptation  by unexpected Divine intervention. Now, I see myself as a good person who's on the path of identifying with his inner goodness and is open to the lure of the holy. What a difference!

Secondly, as long as the process was subconscious, there was not able to wield it as freely. I felt like Benjamin Franklin who had to await a rain storm for lightening to fill his leyden jars with the electricity to a high capacity. He could not generate anything close to that level on his own. Similarly, I had to passively await a flow of vaguely identified holiness to offset the unhealthy cravings I squirmed in. Now, I can make a powerful choice to strongly identify with my better self. I want to make this self my homebase and build on it even further. Now I know that I can choose to live inside my own spiritual home built from the bricks and mortar of holy cravings.


Thursday, September 4, 2014


It’s lovely to just “be” in the moment. Speaking of “be”, I think of the letter “b” which is ב in Hebrew, the very first letter of our Torah. The letter ב means “home”. This letter comes in two forms, with a dot floating in the center or without one; symbolizing a “home” whether inhabited or uninhabited.

The simple reason why the Torah begins with ב is to teach us that the Torah is about making a “home” ~ a “home” for people ~ a “home” for Divine Lights ~ a “home” for the Divine Presence. Once a “home” is established, we can move towards the messianic book of the Torah which begins with the letter א, the first letter of the Torah’s alphabet and the first letter of the Hebrew word for “light”, “Ohr” ~ אור.

Normally, one may think of higher spiritual lights, in a state of unfettered freedom, as the ideal “be” environment. Here, deep serenity is imagined to prevail. Here, the Creator’s Oneness illuminates, binding opposites and resolving paradox by dissolving limitation. However, this is only true for those already dwelling on those levels, not for the denizens of lower realms looking up at lights too high for their own level. The reason peace and bliss exists on those higher levels is because they too have “homes”, just ones which for them are level appropriate. Their “homes” are unbroken, spiritual domains where domestic harmony prevails. Any discussion of domestic disharmony reported in the Zohar is not about those higher levels themselves. It’s about their relationship with us. They show us a face of disharmony when we are unworthy. We don’t connect the cosmic couple. They are already connected. We connect their connection to us.

In a sense even the Creator Himself has a “home”. As Ultimate Oneness, He’s at once the Ultimate Cosmic Home and its Sole Inhabitant. By Him, both are Seamlessly One and the same ~ with no distinction between them. Being at once, Home and Inhabitant must be the ultimate frictionless state; so gentle, so settled, so serene ~ so blissful. So ב or “home” is literally to “b” or “be”.


Wednesday, September 3, 2014


If wallowing in dirt makes one dirty, then certainly wallowing in spiritual light makes one radiant.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Teach Freely

We Jews have a tradition that the Creator granted Moses his prophecy mainly for the sake of teaching the people. Like Moses, you never know for whose sake you were taught what you were taught. So it's wise to be generous with teaching others. 

For all you know, you might be just the agent designed to pass on a message to someone who can make better use of it than yourself. Still, don't feel dejected. Even if it seems like you were only intended as the straw for someone else's drink, with straws some drops always adhere to the walls. So, obviously some of the message was intended for you as well.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Music of Words

Poetry flows through my veins,
It is the way words do song.
Human voices sing melodies,
Words offer song in poetry.

The Infinite Light parted,
Exposed a finite clearing.
Here, the letters first danced,
Uniting, forging potent words;
Brightened vessels bearing souls,
Lights in concrete expression.

High energy can't be dry n' pale,
It can't escape the lyrical.
So prophets let loose in poetry,
Moses and Isaiah spoke prose.
They spoke the music of words,
As the Creator Himself had.

The whole world is His poem,
Just find your own within His.

              ~ O ~

Sunday, August 10, 2014

A Little Miracle for a Little Boy

My nine year old son is enjoying a Lubavitch sleep away camp in the Catskill Mountains – a resort area in a very country setting. No doubt besides sports, refreshments, games, trips and daily Torah study, he’s also taught about the great spiritual accomplishment and deeds of the Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson o.b.m., the movement’s latest Grand Rabbi. Though he passed away some twenty years ago, his spiritual influence on Jewish life all over is very much alive and well.
On visiting day, the other week, I took him off campgrounds. We picked up his sister, my eleven year old daughter, from her sleep away camp down a winding country road. Then we enjoyed a family outing in a small town which sports a row of kosher restaurants and general Jewish shopping. After I dined them on lavish ice cream sundaes, I took them to a Judaica bookstore and allowed each child to select a book.
My daughter didn’t particularly love the selection, largely because she’s a fast reader and didn’t want to end up with anything whose reading pleasure wouldn’t linger. However, despite her concerns, she settled on a book pretty easily.
My son’s selection effort was more dramatic. He insisted that he wanted a book about the Rabbi Schneerson. The only problem was that all such books in stock were well above his reading level. So he came up with a secondary option, a comic book. He picked one up from a selection styled after graphic novel, but, designed to convey timeless Torah lessons or poignant moments in Jewish history. We brought his book to the counter. Right before I purchased it I noticed its subtitle, “How the Lubavitcher Rebbe Saved the Jews of Soviet Union from Destruction”.
A smile lit up my face. I turned to my son and exclaimed, “What an unexpected miracle! You wanted a book about the Lubavitcher Rebbe. Look how the Creator cherished your desire. He brought you to the kind of book you sought, one tailor made just for you.”

The Talmud teaches,” Those who seek holiness are aided from Above.”

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Future Male/Female Dynamic

Traditionally speaking, Kabbalah teaches that male means giving and female means receiving. The Lubavitcher Rebbe explained that while giver/receiver are sufficient as descriptions of male/female roles before the Messiah arrives, during the messianic era these traditional roles will change and the giver/receiver paradigm won't hold - neither cosmically nor personally.

As a whole, the messianic era will be characterized by greater equality on every level, including gender. Since giver and receiver are unequal roles, they are out of character with a messianic era. Obviously, male/female will continue to exist, but along different lines. For a while I wondered what could a messianic era male/female relationship look like.

My thoughts took me back to the way Rabbi Bachya Ibn Pequda explained the Creator's Oneness. Obviously, anything about the Creator cannot be described directly. The closest one can get to a description of the Creator is to describe what He's not, rather than what He is. The old term for this kind of description is “negative theology”. In common contemporary parlance it’s called, "process of elimination".

What Rabbi Bachya explained the Creator’s Oneness by explaining that He’s not multiple. He eliminated multiplicity by explaining that any oneness humans can conceive of is composed of parts. Even the smallest seemingly indivisible item at the very least has a beginning, middle and end - i.e. it can be conceptually segmented. Even such subtle segmentation does not apply to the Creator - as His Oneness must be absolutely real and a oneness composed of parts is not ultimately real.   

From Oneness, Rabbi Bachya explains the Creator’s Infinity in a way which ends up eliminating limitation. He explains that since the Creator’s Oneness is absolutely seamless, He has no beginning, middle or end. A Being with no beginning, middle or end has no limits and by definition is Infinite (which also literally means “not finite” - an eliminative description). So the Creator is at once Seamlessly One and Absolutely Infinity. In Him, Oneness and Infinity are the same. It’s our minds which divide them into two concepts.

It occurred to me that the Creator's Infinity and Oneness is the very earliest possible root for any version of duality echoing throughout the vast and varied levels of His creation. Since what's male in creation tends towards outer growth and expansion, maleness is an echo of Infinity. Since what's female in creation tends towards inner growth and building inner space, femininity is echo of Oneness.

Therefore it seems to me that in the messianic era, a couple's union will be one merging the forces of inner and outer growth into a singular whole. It would stand to reason that as we draw closer to this era, more and more couples will bask in the light of this new paradigm.

This does not mean that women will be confined to the home and men only venture into the wider world. That’s actually part of the pre-messianic inequality. What it means is really equal access for both genders to move about in both domains - inner and outer. However, when a females venture into the outer domain, they will bring with them a sensitivity and understanding which comes from being denizens of life’s inner domains. This can be compared to an immigrant who opens to restaurant to bring her native culinary traditions to her adopted country; thereby, enriching her new locale with something uniquely special.

Similarly, when males venture into the inner domain, they bring with them the long range focus and vision which comes from being native to life’s outer domain. This can be compared to a psychologist/life coach who ventures into a client’s feelings, yearnings and dreams in order to shape them into long range life goals and accomplishments.  

Of course, long term exposure builds life experience which works on one’s overall skill sets. So over time, females can feel comfortably at home venturing into the outer world and males venturing into the inner world. In any event, since gender tends to be a range and people are vastly varied, very often archetypal generalizations don’t neatly fit individuals - an amazing reminder of each individual’s special uniqueness. Our Creator shaped us from a place beyond books and cookie cutter academic styled definitions.
(This is a brief synopsis of the main points of an essay I wrote a few years ago called "Future Couple". The full length version is available on my blog.)