Tuesday, December 25, 2012

You Play My Heart ~ a prayer


Note to reader: The following is a spontaneous prayer in written form. Its emotionally associative rather than logically structured and is meant to be processed more like a poem than an essay.

5 Teves 5773, 8:18AM, Tuesday, a Starbucks in Philly

Dearest Sweet Beloved Divine Parent,

Thank You for this opportunity to commune with You. You are my Beloved Parent. Whether or not I understand, all You do for me, to me and arrange for me, is only the highest possible kindness and goodness. You are the love of my life, the very yearnings of my heart.

At the very depths, I only yearn for intimate attachment to You. Everything else I seem to yearn for is the “waiting room reading material” while awaiting the call into Your private chambers, for a private moment alone with You. There, You fill my tiny earthling heart, like a cup, with the sweet liquids of Your Love. Then she burst forth like an instrument into songs of joy and praise. Except that contrary to appearances, she’s not my instrument. She’s Your’s. You play her and she sings, sings and sings …

She sings of Your beautiful day. She sings of Your beautiful worlds. She sings of Your beautiful people. She sings of the intellectual beauty and sweetness of Your Torah. She sings of the marvels of Your creation. All this, because she’s really singing of You!

As poor as any expression of You is, singing of Your expressions are the closest my tiny earthling heart can come to singing of You!

As You play her, am I selflessly given over to You? Am I trying to give to You in my own poor human way? Not entirely. I love the experience of contact with You. I love how You make me feel. Being open to be Your instrument, I feel Your Love coursing through me, like a stream of sensations that make me tingle from head to toe. I can’t say that I’ve escaped or transcended my desires to receive.

However, what I can say is that at least I have desires to receive that are directed to You. At least, You are at the core center. This is a step in the right direction. Summer doesn’t necessarily happen because the distance between the earth and the sun has been closed. Summer happens because the earth is tilted in a way that she’s facing her light source. So too, even if my desires to receive create distance between us, at the very least I’m facing You. I want Your Light and Love.

In the process of encounter and contact, hopefully something of Your selflessness, Your desire to give, will rub off on me; filling me with a selfless desire to please You, to pleasure You. Hopefully, like an implanted seed, this desire to give will grow, grow and grow ~ constantly, reaching new depths in yearning and passion...

Thank You for this session...

Love and Kisses …

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