Today, I'm going to blog differently. Usually, I write well mannered essays or poems on Jewish spiritual themes that have universal application. Today, I'm just writing. I have feelings inside that need to emerge. A dear friend of mine suggested that I use my blog as a vehicle for this therepy. So whatever happens, happens!
I have this tremendous yearning to find my place in the world. My life is filled with people who have "nitched". They have become Rabbis, doctors, lawyers, teachers, graphic designers, etc. I somehow have not "nitched" out yet. Here I am in my early 40s, my first Grandchild just born, wondering what I'm really going to do when I grow up? What can I do to make a difference in the world? I have an employable skill. However, it does not seem to me to be much more than a meal ticket and even as a meal ticket it has not worked that great in the past decade and even less so in the current economy.
Our lives are made up of moments in time. Can any employer or customer really pay someone for a moment of his or her life? Life is supposed to be priceless. Even a tiny fraction of priceless is still priceless. So, really there's only one way to be compensated for devoting moments of life to a task. This is the joy of knowing that one have "nitched" into one's spiritual role in life. The task may be physical, but yet very personally soulfull.
Humanity is like a large body. Every human being is a cell on that body. As cells we are supposed to help the body grow. However, I feel like a lost unintegrated cell. I can sit all day playing on the computer without feeling an iota less accomplished or satisfied than if I spent a full day earning my meal ticket. Something's very wrong with this picture. It's probably not the way most people feel.
There must be a core goal underneath it all that my soul came down to accomplish. I wonder what it is, but alas to forum is too public for me to feel comfortable doing what some like Julia Camaron would call "morning journals" on. That needs more privacy. However, if you are a person like me who feels that the best eight hours of the day are too empty to be spiritually justified, maybe you should write morning pages too.